How Can I Help?

First and foremost, keep in mind that an alcohol problem is a medical condition that needs and deserves treatment just like any other medical problem. It is not a personal or moral weakness and does not mean the drinker is trying to cause problems for you.

1. Learn as much as you can. Once you have recognized that the person has an alcohol problem, learn as much as you can about alcohol abuse and dependence, how it can affect families and friends of a drinker, and what treatment options and support groups are available.

2. If necessary, deal with your own denial of the problem. You may need to deal with any denial you have about the drinker’s alcohol problem. Family members and friends often make excuses for the drinker’s behavior and cover up problems caused by the drinker’s alcohol use. This is called "enabling." (hyperlink glossary). It protects the drinker from the consequences of his or her alcohol use and allows the person to keep drinking.

   People enable a drinker in order to protect themselves, the drinker, and others. They may be trying to hide the feelings—such as shame, guilt, inadequacy, and resentment—caused by the person’s drinking. If you stop your enabling behavior, the drinker has to face the consequences of his or her behavior. This may make him or her more motivated to get help.

3. Talk with the person about his or her alcohol use. You do not need to wait until the drinker brings up his or her alcohol problem or hits bottom. Since people with an alcohol problem often deny there is something wrong, they may need someone else to bring up the topic. Family and friends can do specific things to motivate an alcoholic person to seek help.

   The earlier an alcohol problem is identified, the easier it is to treat. Do not wait to take action. Your involvement could keep the drinker from experiencing serious consequences in his or her health and daily life.

   

   How-To Information: Here are some suggestions for discussing a person’s alcohol problem: Choose a time when the person is not drunk and the two of you are calm. The best time is soon after an alcohol-related problem has occurred. Express your concern and be supportive. Do not criticize or blame the person. Focus on the behavior and its consequences, not on the person. Give specific examples of when the person’s alcohol use caused problems. Discuss the effects of his or her behavior on you and other people and things he or she cares about, such as children and career. If the person is open to accepting help, provide information about treatment and support groups. Offer to help arrange an appointment and go to it or to take the person to a support group meeting.

4. Provide support while the person is in treatment. During treatment the person will probably go through significant changes. The most important things you can do are to show you care and provide emotional support. Recovery can be a long process with several relapses. Try to be patient and understanding.